You know, if God is reprimanding you, then He absolutely loves you.
At least… that’s what I’m gonna tell myself lol.
The other day in my prayer, I asked God something that I thought I was prepared for. I asked Him something that I regularly ask Him in prayer, so I felt this was more of a maintenance thing than anything.
I asked God to continue to organically uproot out of me my pride and arrogance along with any other undesirable traits that still lingered in me.
Foolishly, I really thought I had been working on my pride. I knew it was still there but man, my humility got tested yesterday when… in short I will basically say that I ended up sleeping in my car last night.
Now, this isn’t the first time in my life that I’ve had to sleep in my car. I’ve had several instances of this throughout my life, some intentional, some due to situations out of my control. But THIS time, it angered me.
Because not only did I hate that I was brought back to this place, but I was truly beginning to wonder if this was God’s will and why?
I just couldn’t piece together what other lesson I could possibly get from having to live through this AGAIN!
… lol it never even hit me that this was something I prayed for.
Technically, I prayed to just be cleaned of my pride but silly me for assuming that meant the word “Pride” was just gonna get erased off the chalkboard. I had to realize that this was actually God organically uprooting my sense of entitlement, my assuming nature and trying to restore in me patience and humility.
I see that NOW, but yesterday!? I was clearly singing another tune.
I kept asking God why, and even telling God how angry I was (I know, as if that’s REALLY gonna do something lol) and that I felt like He didn’t love me anymore. I cried about how confusing this whole journey was turning out to be, and wondered if God had even been directing me at all!
I questioned my calling and how could I truly even know that this was indeed the way I was supposed to walk if everything in my life was suddenly in SO much chaos! Chaos that I started to feel I just intentionally brought on myself.
It was uhhhh… it was a long night last night…
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.1 Peter 5: 6, 7
So… I’m in my car last night… and thoughts just started to flood my mind. And when it gets like that, I just know it’s the Holy Spirit answering me.
And I just started to think about the Apostles and Prophets in the Bible. Most of the time, they slept in jails. They experienced being banished, thrown out, having to stay on the run, life wasn’t easy for them either.
Jesus himself stayed walking and moving. If He were here in the modern day, isn’t it more likely that Jesus would also be going in and out of hotels with a priority of reaching and teaching a multitude of souls? As opposed to being in His home morning til night scrolling though YouTube?
I have obviously agreed not only to the calling that God has placed on my life, but also the trials that come with it. I guess because I was so in love with the calling lol I may have slightly underestimated the trials involved, but it’s still not the wrong path.
I ended up watching several sermons throughout that night and a couple things got revealed to me. Things that I may not be able to understand the same way had it not been for me going through this journey the way I have been.
14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.James 4: 14-16
- 1) I need more patience. I feel like I should start praying everyday “God give me patience today because I already know I didn’t wake up with enough”. 🤣 The main thing that revealed to me yesterday is how much I felt like I should’ve already been experiencing my blessing by now. I should already be seeing more physical manifestations. I gave up so much already, I should have the thing I’ve been dreaming of by now…… there is absolutely no patience in ANY of that. And it’s not to say that I’m not patient, but perhaps for the blessing that God is trying to give me, I need to build it more than where it is already.
- 2) Someone’s deliverance is depending on my endurance. What if my being able to endure, stay humble and patient are the exact virtues that someone else is going to need in order to help them come back to Christ? If I get up and walk out on them because it’s gets a bit too hot to bear, there’s no telling how that could impact and delay them. I have already come to terms that this calling can affect people in my life that I am constantly praying for already. What if me sticking to the destiny God has given me is the one thing that brings them into Jesus? You never really know who is depending on you stepping into your destiny.
- 3) Accept that it’s not always rainbows and unicorns. I grew up in a religion that taught us that suffering was key to salvation. So when I got older and got ahold of the prosperity gospel, obviously it excited me that I didn’t have to suffer so much! Spoiler alert! You still gotta suffer lol. Listening to other religions is how my ears got tickled with the whole “God wants to lift you and keep you lifted!” message when the reality is.. God is just going to do whatever He sees fit. If God thinks you will benefit from being dropped a few levels, He will most certainly make it so. It’s clear that I knew how I wanted this journey to go and I had even come to the conclusion that because of how much I had already invested in this, I deserved my blessing. Lol ya’ll, as long as we in this life waking up in sin everyday, we don’t deserve a THANG!! It is God’s mercy that even gives us the CHANCE to have an everlasting life of peace and happiness. You don’t deserve God’s perfection, you deserve DEATH… if we gonna be real lol.
- 4) Because of this, I better understand the effects of my calling. I don’t know if I want to profess what I feel called for at the moment even though I am incredibly assured of it, but let’s just say, had I just went straight from point A to Blessing with no detour, there’s a lot of people I would’ve missed that turned out to be very impacting to this journey and my ministry. Through meeting these people, it’s helped me to strengthen in my own faith and ministry. Most of them have been good reactions, others… not so friendly. But they have all come into my life for a reason and with each day that goes by, I understand why more and more. Sometimes you don’t go through something just because you need something… but because somebody else needs you. Kinda goes back to the whole “somebody’s deliverance is dependent on your endurance” point I made earlier.
So with all that in mind!…
God I am so sorry for my anger. 🥺
I’m still learning! Lord knows I am, and on a journey like this…I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Lol
It’s not a time to feel discouraged because you’re not as blameless as you thought you were. Who could be blameless? We’re all tripping up somewhere, the point is to get back up.
God is not expecting you to be something you’ll never reach in this world anyway (perfect). He is expecting you to keep trying.
See my problem is, when I feel like there’s too many errors, I want to give up. But God looking at me like “Child, you ain’t nothing BUT a walking error!” 🤣
But He still loves me enough to reprimand me where I’m wrong and I guess the discipline alone should give me hope! It’s an odd way to look at it lol but it’s working.
My goodness! Let me get off this post. I hope you all have a wonderful day! And take the Lord with you!
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.James 4: 10
Love you. Mean it!