I’ve been really thrown for a whole loop these days. And the other day, I dreamt of Jonah. A very… cinematic…. dream lol. But Jonah nonetheless.

And immediately, I knew Ahayah was low key reprimanding me about my own… issues lol. Basically saying that even though I was right about what irritated me, I was still running away from what He called me to do…. which seems to just be all over the place at this point. Lol

I was still steamin, not gonna lie, and it was probably a couple of days after that dream before I finally sat down to read through the book of Jonah. Actually, what I first came across was a scripture in Psalms…

Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.

Psalms 4:4

Or, for better context, here’s the same scripture from the New King James (but I don’t do this very often anymore)…

Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah

Psalms 4:4 NKJV

I forget how I even got led to that verse, but it definitely hit home like “Look, you have a right to be mad…. but you’re taking it a little too far. Calm down.”

And when I reflected back on my own thoughts… yeah…I was kinda over the edge. And I repented for all my excessive anger and frustrations.

Eventually, God showed me RIGHT back to…


Haaaaa, Jonah.

Jonah started out the gate running.

In verse 2 of chapter 1, God told Jonah to go to Nineveh and by verse 3 he was on a ship to Tarshish!

Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying,

2 Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.

3 But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.

Jonah 1:1-3

And from there, we know how the story goes. God boomeranged Jonah with a storm and a hungry whale and brought him back to fulfill his original purpose.

But one thing that really hit home for me is when I got to chapter 3… where the people of Nineveh repented and God showed them mercy and refrained from destroying them.

… and Jonah was infuriated.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.

2 And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.

3 Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.

Jonah 4:1-3

And when I read that….I completely saw myself. I still kinda laughed at this chapter… chapter 4 that is. But I also saw exactly how I’ve been acting at least recently.

God intervened quite roughly in Jonah’s life in order to get him to fulfill His purpose. Completely turned this man’s life upside down in ways I’m sure he never could’ve imagined JUST to go and warn the city of Nineveh of their impending doom.

But also, Jonah went to Nineveh expecting a certain outcome. And when that outcome changed, and the “wicked people” were shown mercy, that made Jonah angry.

And it’s understandable at this point because Jonah legit got fed to a whale lol and yet a city full of wicked people seemed to get off scott free after shedding a few tears.

It’s almost as if God over punished Jonah and under punished Nineveh. And perhaps that’s what Jonah was feeling.

And….I really saw myself there in that account… in this very moment.

Watching everyone around me glow up, it seems. As if God was just constantly giving them the benefit of the doubt, but when it came to me I just kept feeling like I was getting the short end of the stick.

And then when I got frustrated about pouring all of this effort and not seeing anything (here I go again lol), I felt like I was being given a heavy hand for wanting to be done with this completely.

As if Ahayah was being over merciful to everyone else and under merciful to me…

The thing about Jonah’s account and what I’m going through is that in both cases…. God was understanding.

5 So Jonah went out of the city, and sat on the east side of the city, and there made him a booth, and sat under it in the shadow, till he might see what would become of the city.

6 And the LORD God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd.

7 But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.

8 And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live.

9 And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.

10 Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:

11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?

Jonah 4:5-11

Lol I used to love this story when I was a kid. Never thought I’d relate so much to it.

A couple things I pulled from this passage… number 1?

You don’t know God’s plans.

Ahayah can give you all the hints, insights and revelations He feels like and you STILL won’t know the outcome of His plan.

I have learned to be very careful on what I feel like God is telling me because I have learned quite quickly that God is REALLY Specific.

Lol I’ve had times where God has told me to talk to someone and I did, and ended up giving a little more of an open door than I intended to thinking that I was just following God’s will. Only to be left feeling completely uneasy and for God to basically tell me that I went ahead of Him.

I was doing too much basically lol.

Much like Jonah went ahead of God in his emotions. He was certain Nineveh would be destroyed only for them to leave without a scratch.

And with everything Jonah went through, I can imagine the added insult to injury.

Number 2?

Trust in God.

God told Jonah that Nineveh was wicked. He never insinuated that Nineveh would repent or that Jonah would even come out alive. God just told Jonah to go and that was it.

It was Jonah who put two and two together in HIS mind and said “ohhhhhh, this not gonna work” and made a B-line for Tarshish.

Jonah went off of Nineveh’s current reputation and God went off their future restoration.

Jonah was so sure there was no comeback time for Nineveh because of what he perceived to be true based off of their current state. He clearly never saw their redemption coming since he was already hardened in his heart against them.

Number 3?

God knows what you can handle.

And I feel like this is where the feelings of unfairness begin to sink in. Because you may feel like others have it easy, but then someone may be looking at you feeling like you have it easy.

I mean, just look at the different accounts in the Bible. The hardest thing Queen Esther had to do was go to the king unannounced. Which was scary, but compared to Job who legit had his whole world turned upside down and for nothing he himself did… Queen Esther sounds like she had it pretty easy lol.

But that was a lot for HER.

God knows our story ultimately. He has it all planned out and the unnerving part about it is that… what we think our limit is and what God knows our limit is are two completely different things!

So when we’re feeling like things are going too far above our heads, could it be because God knows we are capable of so much more?

And one last thing I got from Jonah’s story from the beginning…

God can still use your disobedience for His Glory.

Did anyone catch Jonah 1:15,16?

15 So they took up Jonah, and cast him forth into the sea: and the sea ceased from her raging.

16 Then the men feared the LORD exceedingly, and offered a sacrifice unto the LORD, and made vows.

Jonah 1:15,16

This part, for some reason, really drove it home to me why God made it a point to really use the imperfections of men to show His glory.

It is where we mess up where God’s true nature comes across.

Those men on the boat would never have had a reason to know Ahayah or to fear Him… to know that He is real. Would’ve been a missed opportunity.

So while there may be things in our lives that we regret or would like to go back and do differently, everything really does happen for a reason.

Maybe you left a really good impression or… even a bad impression. Technically, Jonah left a bad impression.

He was sleeping on a ship that was breaking apart and then finally told all the men that his God was the one causing it all… 😅

It may not be how they aspired to know the Most High, but they knew Him nonetheless THAT day lol. And they showed Him great honor and respect.

There is no scar ugly enough that God can’t use for the greater good. Just like emotionally charged Jonah.

It’s clear that I keep viewing people a specific way since it’s all I can see, much like Jonah. I have created very real and very authentic observations and I’m not wrong to question it, but I am wrong to believe He can’t make a miracle happen with them.

I didn’t create a single soul and I can’t read a single heart. I can observe all I want, but it is God who lifts veils.

You think that’s easy enough but sometimes, it’s quite hard to believe when you are the one God is using to constantly hold onto them.

I guess in that way, it really is a two-edged lesson. A lesson on God’s mercy as well as His patience. 🤣

I’m sure there’s more to pick apart in Jonah’s story, but that’s it for now.

Love you. Mean it!

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