Feeling Dumb Sometimes?

Yeah… me too.

Pretty sure I’m just having a moment… but today, I took a look at my little window garden today. They’re taking turns in ways I’m not sure of and I’m trying to really make do with the little I have and praying for a miracle.

And I suppose it just got to me, you know? What if they don’t flower? What if they don’t fruit? All these tree seeds, and I’ve received even MORE seeds that I need to quickly plant and it’s just… I dunno.

I guess I’m just starting to feel a bit overwhelmed… you know?

Like I’m spending most of my resources preparing for a life I don’t really know how to live.

I’ve never grown anything to harvest in my life, and suddenly here I am trying with probably the most minimal in resources I’ve ever had!

And to think, this is just a glimpse into the potential life that’s to come. I feel that God is forever reassuring me that He is overseeing everything, and that I will be ok. And at this point, I’m really relying on that.

Because when I thought about it, nobody is really prepared for either option. You can either choose to rough and tough it out in the wilderness where you might never grow a thing, orrrrr you can stock to shelter in place in a home you might be priced out of anyway only to wind up being fed chemically processed food with human flesh mixed in it…. pick your pain point lol.

Either way you look at it, who is really prepared for what is coming in life? You could say those who lived through the Great Depression. But we’re not even going through another Depression, we’re literally going through the Book of Revelation.

Nobody’s prepared for this…

And so I looked at it this way… that even if this is another failure (which I pray it’s not!), I’m another step closer to actually being able to grow food…

I’ve tried growing plants several times before this, and this is perhaps the farthest I’ve EVER gotten with PLANTS let alone just one.

They grew, I was able to transplant them all safely and keep every single seedling! They have grown and gotten so tall, figured out how to make compost at home in cracked Tupperware lol and have fertilized my plants with it just yesterday!

Ahayah has truly been guiding me in all things from using cardboard boxes to start seedlings to fertilizing them now. What foods I can eat to add nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium to my compost, I’m really trying my hardest.

I’m sure this information is all across the internet, my point is I, myself, would’ve never thought about looking up half of this stuff. All my stuff would’ve been store bought and I wouldn’t have even contemplated compost, and not homemade at that.

I got a garden started for probably a few bucks and just look what it’s turned into! It’s nice to walk over and see so much greenery in this tiny, cramped space. It brings me a lot of peace and joy…

… but I guess today, it just brought a little anxiety. I’ve got so much stuff growing and honestly, most of it has become trees now.

My loquats are barging through now and it kinda made me nervous because soon, they’ll need new homes.

I’ve got avocado seeds I’m trying to germinate, not to mention cherimoya seeds. And today, I just received seed packages of tangerines, Meyer lemons, Mexican limes, Dragonfruit and Moringa…

I dunno, I just felt an urge to plant trees… not sure why, but I’m sure I’ll find it all out eventually lol. They’re seedlings anyway… it’ll be fun just to watch them grow for now.

But yeah…. this is a make or break moment…. and I don’t think Ahayah is about to let me break. Lol

I’ll keep watching and tending to my little tomato bebeez, and my potato bebeez, all my tree and herb bebeez lol. I do love to talk and sing to them but it was just the realization that they’re getting bigger… and they need FOOD lol…

We’re trying ya’ll…we tryin…

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Galatians 6:9

Love you. Mean it!

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