But My Gold Bars Are Dirty…

Lately, in my prayers I keep including the request that God help refine me and give me the eyes, ears and heart of Christ so that I may be able to see, hear and love people the way that Jesus does.

….haaaaa sometimes I don’t know why I pray things… lol

I should know by now that God is going to test me for the thing I’m requesting… but for some reason, I always believe that I will past the test with flying colors and not have to learn any lesson EVER! Ohhhhhh I’m going to get it one of these days lol.

I am pretty sure that God is testing this in me by means of endurance and faith. Again, we are running around the circle of praying for things I can’t see unfolding in front of my eyes.

God has allowed me to see many other physical manifestations of other things in this time, but I guess the few things I’m longing to see…. don’t…. seem… apparent. I’m praying for family and other people and whereas, some I see a quick turn around, others appear to be, well, backsliding.

It’s a case of praying for Prodigals, I guess you could say. And today…I got so disheartened, I asked God to basically release me from praying for them because it didn’t seem like my prayers were helping at all.

I suppose I figured that there could be others who needed my prayers and devotion more, I know I KNOW EXACTLY what I sound like… NOW. But this is me growing in Christ, I’m definitely not perfect! But yeah, in so little words, this is basically what I said.

I was growing exhausted, growing tired of fighting spiritual warfare on behalf of these people only to turn around to be mocked, shut down, and left behind in the physical reality. It hurt to be constantly crying out for these peoples’ salvation only to have them run back to the very things that God is trying to break them from.

I was losing rest and I wanted to be released from this. But God kept telling me… “No.

Pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Now, I was watching a sermon from an online church I like to watch among other YouTube sermons, and this particular one really allowed me to see how God has been molding my mindset into a more Christ like outlook.

It was a video about relationships and dating this time around, and I of course was there when it live streamed so I was able to read and participate in the chat.

Two scenarios I ended up commenting on really allowed me to see afterwards how much God has been changing my own mindset and outlook on people and why that’s so important. So I’m going to kind of paste in some of thoughts that I journaled after that sermon:

It’s amazing how much I feel my mind has been molded over into Christ like behavior. 🤣


Tonight’s sermon was kind of a Q and A thing about relationships. I only commented in the chat twice (which I never do btw), but the first time I commented was kind of a joke.


It was about a scenario in regards to a woman whose house and car were a mess. And most people in the comments were coming down on her for being unclean and nasty, judging her mentality, and all that stuff. That men don’t like nasty women and in all honesty, I get that entirely. But what I couldn’t believe is everyone being so judgemental and condemning. So I just put in the chat,


We’re all dirty in God’s eyes. That’s why the only way to Him is through the Blood of Jesus!! 🤣”


Lol it was meant to be a joke, but I wanted people to understand, you are forever filthy to God because of your sinful nature, no matter how pristine and orderly your home and car may be.


When it comes down to it, because of our sins, the neat and tidy lady is no better than the slob. Just like the little white liar is no better than the murderer.


God loves you despite your filth, so why can you not be more compassionate for her situation that you don’t even know entirely!?


Then, the next scenario came on. About a dude who didn’t want to get rid of his apple watch or whatever because it’s work, and the girl got him a new one because the watch is apparently from his ex.


Again, people in the comments taking sides on whether he should give it up or not, or if the girlfriend was just being obnoxiously petty.


I didn’t see other people commented prayer, so I did! What I commented was this,


“Maybe she could pray about it. And perhaps God will either move him to get rid of it or move her to get over it. 😇”


It was then that I realized…




A threefold cord marriage is the strongest for a reason.


God has to be the first mediator is what I’m seeing. When I first watched that third scenario, it was clear that I was also looking at it from my imperfect mind thinking that umm, maybe he should consider and just get rid of it. Orrrrrr you know maybe she IS being insecure and she needs to just let it go.


But then it hit me!


Lol Holy Spirit hits HARD these days!


And it just struck me…. they need to pray over it.


Because he’s right and wrong, and she’s right and wrong. But under God’s sovereignty, this can be resolved.


Either God move the man to cherish his wife and get rid of it. Or God move the woman to trust her husband and uproot that specific worry out of her heart….


It’s like, looking back now on all three of those scenarios, God was literally the answer to all of them.


Like in the second scenario, it seemed to come more from their thoughts. Talking about “oh, well the first thing a man will think when he sees a dirty woman is blah blah blah”.


This is why God pairs us with people who have good INSIDES, and not necessarily focused on great OUTSIDES.


Pastor Jerry said it himself, only the fear of God can keep a man or a woman. Just look at the case of Hosea! Lol


I just don’t like how they zeroed in so harshly on her cleanliness, not necessarily Jerry or Tanisha, but people in the comments. As if God doesn’t draw unlikely persons together in love.


A person can learn how to clean and be organized. But what would it matter if they’re LITERALLY the spawn of Satan?


Focused on the wrong things.


I’m not saying a man (or woman) shouldn’t be concerned about someone’s cleanliness, but it also shouldn’t overrule their ability to see their big, compassionate heart. Jesus healed lepers when others didn’t even want to breathe the same AIR as them. Remember that.


I think if nothing else, this revealed to me JUST how selfless Jesus Christ has been all this time.


(Where I start to realize my own shortcoming with giving up on the people God wants me to pray for lol…)


We say we love when it feels like it’s something within our control, something we can handle. But as soon as it gets overwhelming and it looks like work and like we won’t be able to endure it, THAT’S when we want to throw in the towel…. like how I’ve been with [people], especially today. (BINGO!!)


We want [people] to already be sparkly clean, but we will pass up a mountain of gold if its buried under sludge.


But Jesus…. Jesus would stand there and wash that sludge away… that’s how selfless he is. And yet, we can’t overlook one imperfect trait.


Someone even wrote in the comments like “ugly girls get no play. And neither do dirty girls. It may not be fair, but that’s the way it is


Yes… in the WORLD.


What kind of relationship were you looking for then?


You act like God can’t renew them and help them. But…. yeah….


Here I am…. with my little sludge covered gold bars… constantly trying to wash [them] clean with my prayers.

In this little sermon that I thought I would take little from, I actually ended up taking a LOT.

Just in a completely different way than I expected. My perceived “spiritual maturity” does not matter in the eyes of the Lord. Because God looks down on Earth and sees all of us as His precious gold bars.

Some are sinking in the sludge and others have been salvaged and are being rinsed clean. The point in our journey doesn’t matter, what matters is that there is value in ALL of us and we are ALL worth salvaging.

Clean gold, dirty gold, it’s still GOLD.

Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Romans 12:12

And it just made me realize how I had even gotten carnal in who I prayed for. Thinking that one person who was further in their walk back to the Lord, showing a more promising result, was somehow more worth my prayer than someone who appeared to be backsliding, who in hindsight, actually needed my prayers more.

Haaaa, God certainly does not think like man…

Aren’t we grateful for that? 🤣

I saw the people I prayed for in an entirely new light…

Sludge covered gold bars.

Because that’s what we all are. So I guess I just want to take this time to encourage you, if you are praying for loved ones that seem to be mocking you and turning their back on you. If you’re enduring spiritual warfare on their behalf. If you get tired of standing in the gap for people who you perceive don’t seem to care at all. Just remember… at one point, you were covered in sludge too.

And God still had someone out there spiritually salvaging you whether you realized it or not. So keep going. Keep including them in your prayers. Keep exercising love and patience and mercy. Keep loving them with the heart of Jesus Christ!

Keep washing your gold bars!

We love Him because He first loved us.

1 John 4:19

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love you. Mean it!

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