“And I For One Am NOT Willing To Die HERE!”

Haaaa, how could God convict me with one of my favorite childhood movies?! Lol

So… remember this post I wrote about not going toe to toe with devil in prayer?

Well, I was doing pretty good for a hot little minute there, but then I started to slowly seep back into warring with the enemies as opposed to praising God. And I have to say, staying focused on what God can do was REALLY working out for me.

But see, these dreams started to creep back in and they started to worry me. So I slowly started edging back into giving more and more of my time rebuking the enemies, calling them out by name.

The struggle got REAL when yesterday, I got hit with 3 back to back, well, nightmares and I just got up and completely forgot ALL about giving God reverence.

After each bad dream, I would wake up, cry in prayer, try to go back to sleep, wake up and repeat the process over again. I started looking for prayer points online to say aloud. I stressed, I cried bitter tears, I was soooo exhausted but also too afraid to go to sleep!

The Holy Spirit eventually just had me stay up to which I basically asked God what was going on? And in my spirit, God helped me to understand that I was reverting back to battling with the devil and again, I was opening the door to fear. In a way, I was showing my unbelief that God could actually protect me the way I always say that I believed…

I then asked God “but I prayed! Several times, why won’t You make it stop?” To which the Holy Spirit helped me to see that it was because I insisted on handling the battle myself.

For some reason, I only got it halfway. So I tried to make the day Holy. I mean it’s the Sabbath anyway, ya know? I tried to sing gospel music, tried to worship, but the fear was still there. Fear that I would be overcome.

For a day that’s supposed to be blessed and full of rest, this was my first actual Sabbath where I’ve had NO REST AT ALL since I started observing them a little more intentionally.

I cried and I CRIED all day about being so close to the promises of God, that I didn’t want to lose them, that I had done so much already and didn’t want it to be all in vain. I literally fell into a mini depression, ugly crying all over the place, it was actually ridiculous. But that was just what I felt that day.

It had literally gripped me SO badly that I thought God was leaving me. 🙁

Ultimately, I just decided to try and take a nap again. I prayed again. A small prayer that went kind of like “God, please protect my dreams and help me rebuke and refuse the enemy“.

Yeah… still woke up from another bad dream.

And lol… after this time I was sweating, upset and EXHAUSTED.

And then…I did what God wanted me to do in the first place…

I sat on the edge of my bed and said

God… I’m giving this battle over to You. For I know You are not a liar. And I know You see my heart in every endeavor. I trust You haven’t left me, You haven’t given me over. Lord, I’m sorry! I keep trying to fight this in my own strength and I can’t, so I’m leaving it in Your Hands. I’m not going to battle with the enemy anymore because he is already a defeated foe, and You have already overcome for me. Help my unbelief, Lord and please give me more faith! I fully trust that You will bring me through the battles that You have brought me to. Lord, YOU rebuke Satan and all his demons. I leave that in Your hands. I’m going to read some chapters of the Bible and then I’m going to bed. Even if I have another bad dream, I’m just going to rebuke and cancel it and keep going. I am not waging war anymore.”

Played some gospel music as I drifted off to sleep and initially, I was having unpleasant little visions pop into my head for at least half an hour, but every time they did, I would rebuke it and try to focus on the gospel songs.

Eventually the unpleasant thoughts became Holy visions lol. Literally went to sleep and dreamt about God’s Throne and leaving my worries at His Feet. It was the best dream I had had in 24 hours! Lol

Now… where does the childhood movie come into play?

Well, I eventually woke up from that dream, prayed a quick prayer over, but I felt the slight fear kinda kick in that maybe I hadn’t prayed enough. Then, I had a dream that I won’t say was terrible, but I think it was God trying to tell me, “you’re slipping again”.

After that, I had been up all the early morning just researching random topics and studying the Bible and one topic eventually struck a cord in me and I just invested my whole morning and day into researching it. And that topic was…

DINOSAURS.

I actually really like dinosaurs ok!?

I truly got sucked into it this morning. I had never really paid close attention to Job chapters 40 and 41, but, in my perspective, Job 40 really DOES speak about my favorite dinosaur, the Brachiosaurus…a sauropod.

15 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox.

16 Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly.

17 He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together.

18 His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.

19 He is the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him.

20 Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play.

21 He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens.

22 The shady trees cover him with their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about.

23 Behold, he drinketh up a river, and hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth.

24 He taketh it with his eyes: his nose pierceth through snares.

Job 40: 15-24

Baylene is a Brachiosaurus from one of my favorite childhood movies, Dinosaur.

Keep that in mind.

So, studying further and further into it, so many things just intrigue me about it. I ran across an article that helped me to really understand not just that God was speaking about dinosaurs and sea monsters, but also what they represented.

I understand people think the Behemoth represents a modern day hippopotamus but I disagree with that because God was contrasting the characteristics of the Behemoth from that of the Leviathan.

The Behemoth was, well like God being peaceable, having self control, gentleness, strength, authority, alertness, etc.

I don’t necessarily look at a hippo and think friendly and gentle, and they truly don’t have self control when the least bit agitated and incredibly territorial.

In that perspective, I feel it makes the Behemoth less likely to be a hippo and more likely to be an actual gentle dinosaur contrasted with the fierceness of the sea monster (Leviathan) that was King over all the children of pride.

34 He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.

Job 41:34

And honestly, that is what got me. What convicted me. If your Bible titles the different passages, the title of chapter 41 is “God: Can You Conquer Leviathan?“.

It stuck out to me because when I seep into waging war with the enemies, the Leviathan Spirit is one that I name and “come against”. But it was a couple scriptures that stuck out to me from this:

10 None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?

11 Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.

Job 41:10,11

24 His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.

Job 41:24

28 The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.

29 Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

30 Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.

Job 41:28-30

All basically implying to me that I am not to be engaging in battle with Leviathan. He is fearsome, no man is able to overcome him… but God can. We conquer the Leviathan through God.

God was showing Job then, like He showed me today, that we were coming under the influence of the Leviathan spirit due to our pride and our wrath and our inability to rest in the Lord to provide.

This is a feasible conclusion to draw seeing as though immediately after God speaks to Job about the two creatures, Job repents of his error and submits himself to God:

Then Job answered the Lord, and said,

I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.

Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.

Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.

I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.

Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

Job 42:1-6

Basically God was telling Job (and myself) to be more like the Behemoth and less like the Leviathan.

But for me, the illustrations go a bit deeper. Because THEN God led me to my favorite childhood movie,

DINOSAURS!!!

Aside from Aladdar lol, my favorite character in this entire movie has always been Baylene.

No matter what, Baylene kept it pushing! (Not My Photo)

And now after today, I look at her entirely differently because she is basically what God described in Job 40 (to me anyway lol).

Yesterday, when I was watching Dinosaurs again, the Holy Spirit was literally allowing me to see how Aladdar in the movie was me, from being brought out of Egypt and being dropped into the wilderness, and all the tests I’m going through now in my transitioning phase to my earthly Promised Land.

So when it got to my favorite part, where Aladdar and the crew were in the cave blocked by the wall where the nesting grounds were legit ON THE OTHER SIDE and Aladdar was ready to give up because the light had got closed out, I felt the Holy Spirit minister to me, “This is where you are now”.

Helping me to see that the light Aladdar saw that gave them hope was how I felt initially at the start of this journey, and when the light closed out, and Aladdar lost hope, that’s where I was now with everything just not going as planned and I’m wanting to give up.

But the Holy Spirit wanted me to keep pressing on because the Promised Land, aka my breakthrough, is LITERALLY just on the other side of my endurance…..

Job 40 literally speaks about how God wants Job to be more like the Behemoth… and for me immediately Baylene comes to mind. And I love her!

She was graceful, merciful, such a delight! Such a gentle giant. She cared for others and was cared for. They were all sustained and in the end, made it to the Promised Land first before the others.

Now that I think about it, in the movie, the way the entire group as well as Aladdar thought they had to go ended up leading to a dead end. Aladdar thought he was doomed when life detoured him to go the way of the cave and in actuality, he was staying on the right path that led to his victory. You could say that God kept him from going through more obstacles than he needed to…

Which just further confirms to me that sometimes… you think you know what’s best, but God knows better. But anyways!

On the part where they were “stuck” in the cave, as often as I watch this part, I legit broke into tears when Baylene said her most memorable speech where she was grateful that Aladdar had given her a purpose and she was going to go on and continue believing in it (just like how God gave me a purpose that He wants me to continue believing in)…

  • Aladar :  We’re not meant to survive.
  • Baylene : Oh, yes we were! We’re *here*, aren’t we? And how dare you waste that good fortune by simply giving up? Shame on you. Shame on you, shame on you! The worst of it is, you allowed an old fool like me to believe I was needed, that I still had a purpose… and do you know what? You were right. And I’m going to go on believing it.

And then she rose up and said one of my favorite lines from her:

“AND I FOR ONE AM NOT WILLING TO DIE HERE!!!”

… The Behemoth.

Baylene.

Holy Spirit Convictions… ACTIVATE!!!!!

Just have to remember to be like Baylene.

Stay calm, keep going. Even when things looked bleak, Baylene kept pressing on and encouraging others not to give up. Even when Aladdar, the most motivating and determined of them all, wanted to give up!

Even though she was old and not that fast or while, she consistently spoke life over herself and others. She was strong, resilient, graceful, had authority, Baylene was everything!

Be more like Baylene… be like the Behemoth.

Photo from Tumblr

Job 40 & 41

Love you. Mean it!

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