I just realized that I officially made a year of being in my new home April 17. It may be two and a half weeks afterwards, but I just wanted to look over my first year here to see if all the struggle in the beginning to get here… was worth it.
And might I remind you of ALL the difficulties that were bestowed upon me before, during, and even a bit AFTER I decided to embark on this journey.
There were financial distresses, emotional upheavals within myself about my community, feeling alone, depressed, inadequate and royally dumb for choosing potential over reality.
The pandemic was just starting to rear it’s ugly head, job security was fogged, salaries were reduced, and the world was literally shutting down.
I stalled and almost settled for the familiar that caused me agony in EVERY way possible and even after jumping the gun and landing in this place, I started to yearn to go BACK to the old pain, but only because I was used to it.
The move itself was daunting, and so much emotional turmoil surrounding that, goodness when I tell you moving here was the most confusing and frightening thing I’d done in a WHILE…
I mean it.
But I’m still here a year later. And I feel like it’s worth updating on whether or not I feel like moving when I did was worth it.
It’s More Expensive… Not Gonna Lie
Honestly, the only REAL loss I can think of with moving here is how much more expensive it is.
But in reality, it isn’t THAT much more expensive than where I used to be. The rent itself was an additional couple hundred dollars that I had been paying before.
Obviously, bill expenses increased but surprisingly not TOO much more. At least not where I couldn’t handle it.
Expenses also play a role when you need maintenance requests. Some maintenance requests I find that they take care of themselves. But then there are others, like that shocking plumber bill they smacked me with, that they DON’T take care of and you’re left to foot the bill for.
Those things I was used to my apartment complex taking care of for free. When you rent a house, be aware that you’ll probably be paying for that stuff now lol.
As well as lawn maintenance! Goodness can lawn maintenance can add up!
Having More Peace and Quiet
If you read THIS post, then you already have a pretty decent idea of why I left to begin with.
Noisy neighbors HAD to be one of the main reasons I decided to jump ship and break free!
Since I’ve been here, it’s so nice to be able to waddle and move about without so much unwarranted noise, if any at all! I have more time with my thoughts and to feel what I want and need to feel whenever I feel it.
I can focus on whatever it is I have to without so many distractions looming about. There’s no more rock and roll music vibrating beneath my feet and shaking the bed I sleep in, nor do I hear (or feel) children re-enacting wrestling matches above me. And possibly throwing each other into bookshelves…
So yes! I can honestly say that this house was worth the move JUST for the peace and quiet ALONE!
I NEEDED The SPACE!
I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed having extra bedrooms…. until I had extra bedrooms.
It’s so nice to just have my bedroom be for bedroom things and to decorate it completely to relax in. And not have to try and finesse my computer and camera setups somewhere into it.
For awhile now, I have actually grown to detest having screens in my actual ROOM. TV screens, computer monitors, anything of the sort, I don’t like in the room I sleep in.
I feel I sleep a lot better when they’re in a different or enclosed area.
Not only with having extra bedrooms, but just the overall HOUSE is just wonderful! To be able to move and not constantly bump into something lol. Having a yard to go out into, just being able to move about freely, even dance if I wanted to, has done a lot for my peace!
It doesn’t feel too crowded. It feels… cozy. Not too much like a mansion, but not too little like a clown car.
The Fenced In Backyard Was An ACTUAL Necessity
Even though I still don’t spend a whole bunch of time in my backyard, having a fenced in backyard was actually a necessity I never knew I needed.
Why is that?
Because I open the blinds SO much more!
And I LOVE the sunshine that envelops the house during the day!
But seeing as I’m a person of privacy, I always hated opening the blinds in my apartment because they were all facing the parking lot and you could see STRAIGHT into my apartment when my blinds were opened.
Which I did not like.
Having the backyard, and having so many windows that look out to the backyard allows me to the open the windows more and keep them open and I love that!!!
Tapping Back Into My Inner Child
Now, to get into the more intangible reasons of why this move was necessary.
Tapping back into my inner child has really been an integral change of this move. I have resorted to going back to doing SO many things that used to bring me joy but I just lost interest in doing over the years.
Things like cooking, dressing up (or trying to anyway lol), decorating my place that I’m just NOW starting to get into.
I’ve gone back to wanting to watch movies more, get back into art, journaling, trying to garden, playing video games and now going back to classic board games, playing musical instruments and even dressing up in more stylish ways!
I tell ya, the floodgates of hobbies just BURST open while being here, and I feel like it’s the best thing ever!!
At one point, my renewed interest in life got SO overwhelming that I actually cried lol.
For some reason, I just couldn’t understand why I had ever lost interest in doing these things before. And it made me realize JUST how unhappy I had been all of those years and I felt even more sad for realizing how much time I wasted being unhappy for the sake of trying to be a functioning adult.
I have a history of people pleasing throughout my life. And in doing so, I definitely lost a lot of myself by constantly putting others ahead of how I felt or what I wanted.
And I feel like since being here and having little to no influence from anyone on how to be, I rediscovered myself.
I really grew to LOVE myself. As well as equally feel guilty that I kept trying to suppress myself. Ya’ll, the intangible benefits that this move brought me will ALWAYS make those extra couple hundred dollars worth it to me.
Which leads me into my next point…
This House Has Actually Helped Me Heal
I feel like it’s safe to say that in being here, in solitude, and being able to reconnect with myself again… I’ve been healing a LOT since being here.
Tapping into your inner child does not mean you only re-experience the joys of your childhood… but you also come to terms with the pain as well.
And boooooy were they rearing their ugly heads!
I feel like in a way, that’s why I wanted to go back to my old pain when I spent my first few nights here alone. Because… I was alone.
And I was forced to address my thoughts, feelings, and spiraling emotions. Looking for answers, and closing doors on the questions that refused to give closure was hard.
I’m still in the process of healing but I feel like I’m in a MUCH better place than I was before!
I’ve been able to cry uncontrollably without someone banging on the door telling me to quiet down. I used to get in the shower sometimes and just scream until I got tired and went to sleep.
But the joy worked the same way! I would get excited, get happy and dance like crazy and there was no one to make me feel awkward, weird, or childish!
My emotions ran FREE like they’ve been trying to do for YEARS.
Being in this house made me realize a few things:
- I’m really emotional lol and
- That’s not a bad thing at all. 🙂
I’m now at a place where I understand the good that my emotions can do. I’ve spent years feeling inadequate because of them because everyone around me was always so stoic, so stern and completely unbothered. It makes you feel like emotions make you weak, especially when you show them.
What I have realized is that at my core, who I am is wonderful!
It’s not a matter of me changing the way I love people.
It’s changing the people I love!
I feel like now I’m operating from a cup that is now overflowing with love and goodness! And it feels great!
I can say that being in this house, even with moving in the midst of the pandemic, turned out to be quite the necessary shake up I needed.
In a year, I feel like so much life rushed back to me that I never even realized had escaped me.
lol I know it sounds crazy but… I actually want to DO things again!
It just really goes to show me…
Sometimes, you never really know how stressed out you are… until you’re not.
It shows me how important it is to have boundaries, and to make time for yourself. To invest the same love into yourself that you would so freely and unconditionally give to others. The importance of protecting your sanity even if it means disagreeing or turning down things that make sense… logically.
Stress, anxiety, depression, and all things alike EXIST. They are real. And it doesn’t matter if you can prove it’s there or not, it absolutely CAN and WILL affect you.
…so take care of yourselves out there. TAKE. CARE. OF YOU.
Even if it means making a random move in the middle of a world crisis….no don’t really do that lol.
Love you. Mean it!